wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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