A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
