I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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