as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
