We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
