she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
