...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
