Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
