I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
