the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
