how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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