I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
