I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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