Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
