Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
