Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
