If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
