I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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