Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
how drunk are you?
Several
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
