I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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