i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
