Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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