went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
