Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
