so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
