dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
