I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
