God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
from now on my penis is your penis
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
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Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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