apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
