wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Randomize
