She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
