please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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