Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
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So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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