bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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