Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my being single is dangerous.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize