I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
