You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
