some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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