I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
