Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
