you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
