someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you still have your period?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
