3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
