OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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