Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
