sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
