Can Purell be used as lube?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
