dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
