Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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