For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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