i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
