How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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