I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
