I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
