can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
