cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
