Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We're too hungover to prance.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
