Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just had sex bonerless
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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