He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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