So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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