Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
please don't ironically join a cult
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