so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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