Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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