we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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