worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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