careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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