To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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