i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize