I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
