I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
