i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
