Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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