no, he came in my armpit
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
