Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
