Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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