you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
