It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
should my penis look like a turkey
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
