i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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