So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
