This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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