TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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