If i come over, it means nothing
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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