No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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