nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
